Exactly one year ago, I sat down to wrap up my thoughts from the previous year and wrote out plans for the new one. Revisiting this blog took me back to exactly what I had been feeling. What I didn’t realize then, that I of course know now, is that there is no way of knowing, guessing, predicting how motherhood was going to affect me, my business, my family. I set my limitations and expectations for the new year—2018 was the year to put my business to the wayside. Working more than 10 weddings meant I was being selfish. A bad mother. The less, the better so I could love, cuddle, swoon, and be the perfect mother to baby June.
As soon as June entered the world, I went through a multitude of emotions. It was an all-encompassing emotional, physical, mental, spiritual experience all at once. There were days where I felt exactly as I had expected—I loved, cuddled, swooned, and was the perfect mother to perfect baby June. There were days where I felt more love and compassion that I ever thought I was capable of. But there were also many days where I felt so lost—like an anchorless boat floating in a running sea. And it was during these moments that I missed my business and photography most. I learned half way through the year that focusing on my career as a photographer gave me the space to create and honor my ‘self-care’ while helping me feel centered and strong as a mother. Motherhood made me stronger, wiser, and more ambitious. And it was this realization that made me slap my 10-wedding limitation resolution in the face. SMACK. I photographed 17 weddings this year and frolicked through every single one of them.
2018, you really threw me in for a loop, bud. What a life-altering year, to say the least. If I learned anything this year, it’s that I need to throw up my hands and surrender. No more setting limitations, or expectations that will leave me disappointed. 2019 will be the year that I accept the changes as they come. Instead of thinking my way forward, I resolve to build my way forward.
Happy New Year’s!